Straciłeś silną wolę? Czyli nic nie straciłeś… poza jedną z wymówek, jakimi mogłeś się do tej pory posługiwać. Jeżeli jeszcze twierdzisz, że ją masz, to koniecznie zacznij od wpisu o wymówce silnej woli.
Zastanów się jednak, dlaczego stosujemy wymówki?
Większość wymówek pojawia się, gdy jakaś „magiczna siła” zmusza Ciebie do podjęcia jakiegoś działania. W ten sposób racjonalizujemy decyzje dotyczące podjęcia jakiegoś działania. Czasem tym działaniem jest decyzja o niepodejmowaniu działania. Wymówka pojawia się zatem w sytuacji dotyczącej zmiany. To, że nie lubimy zmian, jest z jednej strony naturalne. W stałości i przewidywalności doszukujemy się bezpieczeństwa. Mamy silne pragnienie otaczać się tym, co znamy. Popularnym określeniem na tę przestrzeń jest strefa komfortu. Zależnie od sytuacji opuszczanie jej zwykle stanowi dla nas pewne wyzwanie. Często odczuwamy wówczas emocje, jakich zwykle wolimy unikać. Jednak przez to unikanie odcinamy się też od wrażeń związanych z nowymi sytuacjami, które po ich doświadczeniu mogą okazać się przyjemne i wartościowe. Unikanie zmiany i tego co nowe wydaje się silnie zakorzenione w naszą naturę. Prawdę mówiąc, doświadczam tego za każdym razem, gdy próbuję moje dzieci namówić do posmakowania czegoś zupełnie nowego. Jako dorośli też często kurczowo trzymamy się tego, co znamy. Tkwimy w pracy, która nie przynosi nam satysfakcji i rozwoju. Nie przerywamy toksycznych związków i relacji, które nas wyniszczają lub ograniczają, wierząc, że jakimś cudem coś w tej sytuacji „SAMO SIĘ” zmieni.
Taki paradoks. Z jednej strony unikamy zmiany, a z drugiej chcielibyśmy, aby się zadziała. W naturze nieustanna zmiana jest jedynym czymś, co możemy uznać za stałe. Biorąc to pod uwagę, zastanawiające byłoby, gdyby natura nie wyposażyła nas w coś, czego potrzebujemy, by poradzić sobie ze zmianą. Czegoś co w danych okolicznościach może być silniejsze od tego oporu, z jakim musimy się zmierzyć, przechodząc przez proces zmiany. Tym czymś, tą „magiczną siłą” jest motywacja.
Podobno niektórzy ludzie muszą dojść na samo „dno” zanim zbiorą się w sobie i się od niego odbiją. Częściej jednak nie mówimy o dramatycznych sytuacjach życiowych, a o prostych zmianach, jakie chcielibyśmy wprowadzić w życie. Dieta i aktywność fizyczna, nauka i rozwój, rodzina i relacje, kariera zawodowa i finanse osobiste. To tylko niektóre obszary, w których chcielibyśmy dokonywać zmian w naszym życiu.
Znasz pewnie powiedzenie: dobrymi chęciami piekło jest wybrukowane. Zastanowiło Ciebie, czym wybrukowane jest niebo? Idąc za słowami ks. Jana Twardowskiego, niebo jest wybrukowane dobrymi wysiłkami.
Motywacja rodzi się z chęci zmiany stanu, w jakim jesteśmy. Ta chęć musi być na tyle silna w Tobie, żeby ZMUSIĆ Ciebie do działania. Dlatego bawi mnie, gdy ktoś mnie poprawia, jak mówię: „muszę to zrobić”. Próbując dokonać przemiany motywacyjnej, tłumaczą, że powinniśmy do siebie mówić „Chcę to zrobić”. Tylko że takie miękkie podejście nie na każdego działa. Zwłaszcza, że często zostajemy na poziomie „chcę”. Zdecydowanie bardziej skutecznym podejściem jest doprowadzić do takiego stopnia swoje chcę, że aż będziesz czuł, że musisz to zrobić. Oczywiście należy tu jasno oddzielić rzeczy, do których to inni chcą Ciebie zmusić, ale nie jest to wpis o asertywności.
Dlatego chciałbym zaproponować Ci techniczne rozwiązanie na przejście od chcę do muszę.
1. Spisuj sobie wszystkie pomysły, jakie przychodzą Ci do głowy z kategorii „Chciałbym”:
* chciałbym pojechać do …
* chciałbym zobaczyć …
* chciałbym zrobić …
* chciałbym mieć …
* chciałbym być …
* chciałbym umieć …
Niech to będzie Twoja lista marzeń. Czytaj swoją regularnie. Bierz na swój warsztat przemyśleń jedno z nich, a nie wszystkie naraz. Z marzeniami tak już jest, że byłbyś bardzo nieszczęśliwym człowiekiem, gdyby w jednej chwili spełniły się wszystkie jednocześnie. Dlatego chwyć jedno z nich i obserwuj uczucia z nim związane. Zamknij oczy i zobacz to, jak się będziesz czuć, gdy je osiągniesz. W tej wizualizacji staraj się zobaczyć nie tylko tę chwilę osiągania, ale też te późniejsze, gdy już masz to coś i jak się czujesz z tym w codzienności. Zdziwisz się, jak wiele rzeczy uznasz za tak naprawdę niepotrzebne. One mogą pozostać tylko na liście, a inne po prostu wykreślisz raz na zawsze ze swojego życia.
2. Niektóre przetrwają tę próbę. Jeżeli zechcesz pracować z nimi ciężko, to przenieś je do listy „CHCĘ”. To faza inkubacji. Każdemu swojemu „CHCĘ” poświęć przynajmniej jedną kartkę. Podejdź do tego, jak do szykowania się na wojnę z „nie chcę”. To jest nic innego jak działanie projektowe, a Ty jesteś na etapie planowania. Opracuj swój plan osiągniecia celu, odpowiadając na pytania:
* Jak wygląda ten cel i czym jest to, do czego chcę zmierzać?
* Dlaczego chcę go osiągnąć?
* Po czym poznam, że go osiągnąłem?
* Co może mi pomóc w osiągnieciu celu?
* Jakie trudności mogę napotkać i jak będę sobie z nimi radził? – konkretne sytuacje i konkretne rozwiązania.
* Jakie wymówki stosowałem do tej pory i jak nim zaradzić?
* Jakie są kolejne etapy na mojej drodze do celu?
Ważne jest to, że do tej fazy mogą wkroczyć wyłącznie Twoje „CHCĘ”. Inaczej okaże się, że padłeś ofiarą cudzej motywacji.
To są dwa bardzo ważne etapy. Pomijając je, będziesz się łapał celów nie swoich lub takich, których tak naprawdę nie chcesz. Czas poświęcony na oddzielenie „ziarna od plew” pozwoli Ci uzyskać lepszy efekt końcowy swojej pracy i też ostatecznie stracisz mniej czasu na frustrujące popędy. Te dwa etapy muszą w Tobie zbudować taki fundament emocjonalny, abyś mógł naprawdę eksplodować w kolejnej i decydującej fazie.
3. Tu już nie pojawia się żadna dodatkowa lista. Tu już trafia tak silne przekonanie, że tego chcesz, że aż musisz to zrobić. Tu pojawiają się konkretne terminy i kolejne konkretne zadania, z którymi tak bardzo chcesz się zmierzyć, że aż musisz to zrobić. To musi być tak silne, że aż najlepiej opisuje to skojarzenie z angielskim słowem deadline… musisz tak mocno, jakbyś miał umrzeć, gdybyś miał się poddać i nie osiągnąć mety.
Ja kiedyś, nie będąc do końca świadomym, że wypracowałem sobie przedstawiony powyżej mechanizm, ale jednak działając według niego, dokonałem wielu zmian w swoim życiu… i być może jedną z prostszych było rzucenie palenia. Ten schemat działania sprawdził mi się przy podejmowaniu decyzji związanych z rozwojem kariery zawodowej, rozwojem osobistym, w relacjach z bliskimi czy też wreszcie w kwestii aktywności fizycznej. Doskonale sprawdza się też w podejmowaniu decyzji zakupowych – kiedyś szybko ulegałem „potrzebom”, by coś mieć. Dzisiaj zdecydowanie wolę doświadczać i czuć. Także w kwestii odczuwania tego, czego tak naprawdę nie chcę w moim życiu.
Dlatego przejdź z obszaru dobrych chęci do dobrych i skutecznych działań.
Pamiętaj jednak, że nie musisz zrobić tego tak, jak ja Ci to sugeruję… zrób to po swojemu i zacznij od chciałbym, przejdź przez chcę i doprowadź się do SWOJEGO muszę.
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